Tabatha's Takeover: Where Heidi Montag Went Wrong

10/26/2012 at 03:00 PM ET

Heidi MontagSplash News Online

We all know Tabatha Coffey, Bravo’s sharp-tongued Aussie style pro, from her stint on Shear Genius and her latest hit, Tabatha Takes Over. And now, she’s bringing her talents online, joining us at PEOPLE StyleWatch once weekly to dish on some of the best — and worst — celebrity looks of the week. Keep in mind the opinions below belong solely to the stylist … though she’s probably saying what lots of you are thinking, anyway!

Today, she discusses Heidi Montag (yes, we know), who wore an interesting leather ensemble to emcee an event at the Crazy Horse III Gentlemen’s Club in Las Vegas over the weekend:

Let’s see, how can I describe Heidi Montag’s Halloween costume? Wait, what? That’s not a costume? Are you kidding me?! She wore that to emcee an anniversary party at Crazy Horse III in Las Vegas? Is this some kind of cruel joke?

First and foremost, why in the world was she emceeing Crazy Horse III’s anniversary party? Last time I checked she wasn’t a member of the adult film industry or an “exotic dancer,” so why in the hell is she at a gentlemen’s club event? This makes absolutely no sense to me on a promotions level. I could ask a dozen questions and get no legitimate answer so I’ll just stop asking. How about I lend some advice?

Heidi, I know you need the money. I saw your Access Hollywood interview last week where you said you’ve spent more than $1 million on stuff like “clothes, hair and makeup.” I get it, you’re broke.

But that doesn’t mean you have to take any job that gets handed to you. Work on creating a positive image for yourself in the media. If you want to make it another day in the spotlight then you’re going to need to give the general public a reason to watch you be a success and not just another train wreck. The “crazy train” doesn’t have any tickets available and it’s already left the station.

As far as your hair goes, those extensions are far too long and they are weighing you down. Schedule an appointment with your stylist immediately and get some length removed. And while you’re at it, warm that blonde up a bit. It will flatter your complexion. When you’re done with all that, please tell your makeup artist I think he or she did a great job on your look for the evening. That’s the only thing you’ve got working for you in this pic.

Next, do us all a favor and burn that outfit. I’m sure you have some hair product sitting around you can use as an accelerant. And lastly, if you’re really that desperate for money, then go get a job at Umami Burger at The Grove. I think I saw a “Help Wanted” sign on the window last week.

Tell us: Do you agree with Tabatha? Or is her criticism too much? Tell us how you’d change Heidi’s look in the comments below!

–Tabatha Coffey 


FILED UNDER: Cosmetics , Exclusive , Guest Blog , Hair
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Showing 10 comments

tami on

luv ya tabby but i think some of what u said was a bit unecessary. its people like u who made her feel the need to spend her bucks on her image to begin with. im a little disgusted in u right now. your not the most flattering broad to lay ones eyes upon yourself.

brandy on

I totally agree tabitha! She looks so ragedy! Im guessin she was goin with the dominatrix look? Keep that at the house!

David on

Completely agree with Tabatha. Word for word. Heidi will always look Middle America!! And I disagree with the previous comment – Heidi’s a grown arse adult. She can take responsibility for her own actions.

Deanna on

As a former stylist, I agree with the remarks regarding her hair. Agree with the outfit assessment, as well. It reeks of tacky and cheap, not sexy. There’s a way to do vampy and still be out of the K-Mart category… That isn’t it. She absolutely needs a different approach to create a new image.

skyeleo on

Tabatha–THANKYOU! Yes 100% as usual you are RIGHT. And you cracked me up! & I’d add, she should have the silicone removed. UNflattering. Go TC!!! Congrats on your new column ;) FUN times,girl!

Greg M on

#1 that’s not extentions…. her hair is all real. we are not used to seeing celebrities with super-long hair, which is why it looks odd and yknow, plastic-y thanks to the bleach.

#2 she doesn’t use a make-up artist, she stopped wearing make-up (for the most part) after the hills ended. She is probably wearing virtually no make-up in these pics, seriously.

Otherwise, totez agree! Heidi is better than this gig

Angela on

What Heidi did to herself is sad. She was pretty before and looks ridiculous now. Her breasts are bigger than her head. Why? Tabitha is outspoken and i love her for that, but Heidi should seriously spend some of that money on counseling. Her sense of self is warped and it shows in very unflattering ways. I hope she sees one day that she can be beautiful without all the alterations.

daria jameson on

I think it is a fair assessment. It’s hard to get past those overpowering boobs. It looks painful to me. And she doesn’t look too comfortable either. I think this train wreck is a done deal and the best she can do is try to clean up the wreckage a

Vee on

I think it is so sad when pretty young women think they aren’t pretty enough and turn to surgery. My own opinion is that they end up looking like caricatures. There just isn’t anything attractive about breasts that look like balloons. There simply isn’t.

Me on

Here here Tabitha. You are right on point.

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